It Was The Devil!!!

This story came to mind as i was just gisting the other day and even tho, it was not a funny story when it happened, it cracked me up to think about those events that made up perhaps the biggest trouble i got in, minus the absolute biggest one (that one is tori for another day)

Anyways, i was in SS3 and my dad was working in another town. It was only my mum and I at home for the most part and i was beginning to feel like the 'man of the house'

My family was going through depression (financial) at the time and that is why my dad was out of town. Anyways, on this fateful weekend, my mum too had travelled and since our car could not make it, she had to go in PT (publik transport)

Digression...i just feel the need to tell you about our OYF (it got that name from its tag OY785F) as we used to call our one and only bat-mobile. It was a Toyota Crown, i dont even know the year but if i were to guess, i will say '83 cos it was bought brand new around a major event. Most of you never even heard of a crown yea? i know...Shildren of nowadays! Anyways, this car decides when it wants to go out, if it does not want to go, u can only try in vain. And if it has to go out, you have to pour libation (gas) on the cadburator (dont know if i spelt it right but whatever) to make it even start. If and when OYF decides to go out, it also reserves the rights to decide whether or not to come back home. It got to a point that once the car calls it quits, regardless of where we are, we just get out and hail a cab without any wahala, like nothing strange has happened. We just leave it there and get it towed later. Our sturves in the car was always collapsible so that we could pack up out of the car within seconds. Anyways that is OYF o!!!

As i was saying before sha, so u can understand why mumsy had to take PT to wherever it was she went this weekend sha. I had found out a couple of weeks before then that the key to the kitchen door could open the car door and start the car...LMAO!! i mean i dont know how i found out but i did sha.

So this weekend when i was home alone, it was a friday and mumsy just left. I was coming straight from skool and before i even got to the front door, i dropped my skool bag on the floor outside and went straight to the car, as if i was possessed by legion themselves!! I have never taken a lesson in driving but i figured out how to put the car into gear (i still dont know how that happened...i think the devil himself made sure the car got into gear without the right process just so he could kill me that day)

I drove the car forward and almost ran into the fence, i stopped short, adrenaline pumping, I backed up, over shot where the car stood b4 i went crazy, so i decided to just go forward a little so i could get back in the place it stood before...next thing i know was...GBOSA!!!!!!!! and the car was hollaring at the wall like it was a challenge, and the car was crushing towards me...apparently, i had the accelerator (gas) all the way down out of sheer terror instead of the brake...the car sha finally died sha... i nearly killed our labrador sef, that one just went on barking, either out of excitement or fear, i dont even know.

Ok, so now, poor family's only pangolo car that we were managing has been crashed and crushed by possessed son...

I was out of the car, assessed the damage and went straight into a crying frenzy...i just wanted to just enter the ground right there. The thot of even starting the car one more time did not even occur to me anymore...i tried to PUSH the car back into the place it was supposed to be...crying all the while. When i finally figured that i could not do this by myself, i ran down to the street corner where the auto villa was (when a mechanic is somewhere, there will be a vulcanizer, panel beater, painter, and every other person that works on a car there, its like a one-stop shop) They knew me and saw i was clearly in distress...conversation went thus:

Mech: InCog Ki lo sele? (InCog, What happened?)

InCog: Just come and look, i have killed myself today o!!

Mech: *laffs* what could it be?


by now, some of the other guys were gathering (smthn that easily happens in naija) they all followed me sha.

All(except me): BABA O!!!!! ehn? what did you do?

InCog: I dont know o, it was the devil o!! please look at it, hope its not too bad sha.

Mech: *looks at it and makes matters worse* Ahh!!! Babi o!!! you just killed it, it is way way way too much.

InCog: *lay on the floor* Mo gbe o!! Mo Daran!! Mo ti ku!!!

At this point, they could not even stop themselves from laffing cos i was saying all these in my fake yoruba as i did not speak yoruba well then. Me, i was just trying to express how dead i was and i am glad they found it funny. They sha told me not to worry, that they would try to take it to their shop and get it all fixed before mumsy comes back on sunday, free of charge. I was like profusely thanking them. They said bring it on saturday (tomorrow). Then they left and i ran inside the house and dropped my bag and decided to go out to a friend's house to kind of get over the events of the day...the storm seemed to be over

Yeah right!!! on my way out, i ran into my pesky aunt who was in Ilaro poly then and rarely came by our crib but she chose today and met me as i was about to catch the cab. I just gave her the keys to the house and ran into the cab, did not say anything to her abt the car. In my mind i was playing out her reaction and state of mind when she saw the wreck i made.

When i got back that night, she was on me like a wicked winsh (witch) asking me what happened and when i told her 'It was the devil' she started laffing...i told her not to worry that i would get it fixed tmaw...she was like, ehn? never o! your parents will see this one. I started begging her o, she was laffing as she told me that she wanted to make sure my folks saw it and make sure i got in this trouble. See me thinking i was in the clear before this winsh showed up. She derived a lot of pleasure from the fact that i was in some trouble and i was going to get in some more come sunday.

On saturday, even the mechanic guys came to beg her but she was just sitting there like queen Vashti or Jezebel with her feet on my life!! she totally refused o. Every once in a while, she will go look at the car and just burst out in hysterical laughter. Saturday passed and car was not fixed.

Sunday, I took the words "and we will dwell in the house of the lord forever" literarily mehn. Everybody left church, your boy pretended to be doing one work or the other for the lord...My pastor was like Praise the lord for your life son!!! you are blessed!! I waited in church till like 6pm that day, i knew that both my folks were home by now and had seen the damage and were proly preparing and stretching their muscles to just kill me when i get home. I di dnot even cab my way home, i walked...like an hour and half. I was half dead by the time i got home. My crazy aunt was at the door to open for me and was walking after me doing the 'you r in so much trouble' dance.

Anyways, I am happy to tell you that my parents actually decided that talking to me was a better idea than killing me, disappointment is an understatement as per the look on my aunts face. it looked like smbdy actually flogged her. In my heart, i was laffing my fkn blk ass off at her and blessing my folks endlessly in my mind for putting her to maximum shame. And i was thanking them verbally and 'dobale-ing' (prostrating) continuously in appreciation.

I must say tho, that i never ever went to the car without permission ever again!! i learnt my lesson...get rid of crazy aunts before they get you in trouble. I should have fed her our dogs food...

Anyways, I still maintain that IT WAS THE DEVIL...dont you see that it was a set up by lucifer himself to either kill me in that accident or get my folks to do it (kill me) when they see their dear old OYF...