God Bless America!!!

Like i said before, I am a truly innocent naija boy who was thrown into the chaos craziness of 'yankee'.

I was a JJC in the states o, on the bus, minding my business. meanwhile, being new in the states, i was still trying to figure out where all the pretty girls i used to see in the movies were, cos i sure was not seeing any of them around. I had hopes that all those pretty girls i see in the yankee movies will be hanging out all over the place, you know... i was about to give up on the hopes of ever getting a shot at a pretty movie-type yankee girl. On this day, i was about to be lucky.
So i was on the bus and this akata chick, fine as hell, long hair, big breast, nice ass (as i later found out cos she was sitting when we met) pretty smile...digression... anyway, so she asks me for directions to the street where she was going, and me being jjc, could not help her, and i told her so. she however did not stop there, asked me for my number cos she was new in town and needed a friend...Halleluyah!!! ehn? anyway, lets not get too excited yet. so we exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.
Weeks later, i get a call and its akata girl. she wanted to hang out and by this time, i got a car so i said i was going to pick her up. she said i should park in a shopping complex around the corner and that she will meet me there(curious thing right? but my raging testosterone had clouded my brain).
To cut the long story short, that night, while we were out, she says to me "I wanna fuck you". Ehn?!!! i was like "sorry, what did you say?" and she said "i said i wanna fuck you, you scared?"
Ha!! me? Naija Boi? scared? lmao!!! the abruptness of such a request was just crazy, you damned skippy i was taken aback for a while, only for a while sha, before yours truly stepped up to the plate and said "me? scared? do i look scared to you? shit! lets do it!!"
This akata chick basically could have been a porn star for all i know. she first told me to just lay on my back and had a long 'discussion' with my 'kpakos momentos', i was like "God Bless America" Then when fuck time came, she was vicious, a gymnast, Omo, all that was going through my mind was "chei, i love this yankee man" it was sweet sweet welcome to yankee orientation. the night ended on a very good note, you boy was a happy mthfkr by the time i was going to bed.
Guess what, this chick called me the next day and in the middle of gist said that she had a 10-month old baby girl who is with her mom in Pennsylvania and that she is currently living with her baby daddy who just came out of jail (that explains why i had to park at the shopping center earlier, remember?) ehn? mo gbe!!! na which kain thing be this? i have to run away...but pussy too good... must get some more of that... i was basically under akata pussy-hypnosis. she said she was trying to turn her life around and she wanted to do it with me by her side, i guess i made an impression last night. she wanted to move out of ex-con's house and start afresh so i was like ok. she said she needed me to help her move her stuff and that i should come by the house when ex-con was out to help her get her stuff. and i did. if na naija, they would have said she used jazz on me, but omo, that thing she gave me last night was fire, stronger than jazz sef.
I went to the house, the neighbourhood sef was the kind that if smthn had happened to me there,the first thing naija pple will ask me is "so how did you get there?" you will never see naija pple around there. it was 'so so so hood'
so i went into the house while ex-con dude was out and as we were trying to pack, she unzipped my pants again and gave me a thank you in advance. please keep in mind that my brain was malfunctioning at this time, if not, why would i be fucking an ex-con's girlfriend in his own bed? i was definitely out of my mind.
sorry, did i mention that she was 4 years older than i was?
anyway, we sha moved her stuff out later that day and i left with my life intact, thank God.
she wanted to go into a relationship with me but she made the mistake of telling me that ex-con dude was trying to get back with her and was blowing up her fone, looking for her and telling her he will fuck her up if he ever catches her and her new boyfriend (me). i said ehn? laye!! me i did not come all the way from naija to come to yankee and get killed over a girl i barely know. so i was like i really am not ready for a relationship, and she was like ok, she will wait but we must continue fucking in the meantime. sometime around this time, i regained my God-given sense and changed my phone number and lost hers. might sound cruel but i did that to save both my life and hers cos this dude was in for attempted 1st degree murder. i was not interested in being part of statistics, the first naija to get killed over a girl within a month of getting to yankee, God forbid!!!
Sha, everytime i think of that chick tho, all i can say is "God Bless America!!!" walahi!!

I REP NAIJA!!

I am a Naija in diaspora and once u leave the shores of motherland, you begin to crave everything nigerian. its crazy!! all the sorts of naija music i never used to pay attention to now get me all hyped and excited. the food...OMG!! the rot of some of the areas even...i crave that too. When did i become a junkie for everything naija? when did i begin to think that "fuji" was a great form of music? or that 'galala', the most erratic dance i ever seen, is so smooth?..........the day i left naija's shores.
Pidgin english becomes boys' first language, it is our best bet of re-assuring ourselves that we still got it... Naija, in us. We speak nothing else around each other. You are considered to be a 'faker' if u act like you cant speak 'pidgin'.
I am no Faker!!! I rep NAIJA!!!

Nice to meet you

I know, i know...everybody claims to be innocent...in the beginning. lol!!
But on the real tho, i am. raised in church, raised to abide by all the rules if not, i answered to the merciless belt of daddy.
my folks were the types that never let anything slide, they saw everything, they knew everything, but why does that not stop a kid from being bad?
Just juvenile folly, i was so bad that my parents figured that the ever so effective nigerian flogging was of no effect with me and they turned to use my mortal fear against me...'stooping down' or 'picking the pin' or 'maize planting' (it is known by many names but the general idea is to bend over and touch the ground with one finger and raise one leg off the ground). the punishment was staying in that position without changing hands(fingers) or switching legs.
My folks knew that i was deathly horrified by the thought of stooping down. I was no punk as a kid, you could tell me you will flog 'shege'(the hell) out of me and i will be fazed none, but the moment i hear "go and stoop down dia" i just start crying and basically beg for a whooping instead. After i figured that they knew my mortal fear and were ready to use that against me to the max, guess what i went and did...
i started practicing stooping down when they go out. perfected the art of stooping down so that when they said "go and stoop down dia" i am like " itz all good" and i will be balanced for long enough to get my dad frustrated(cos he always sat beside me and it was xmas for him when i faltered or stumbled, he will use that as an excuse to flog me and send me back to the position). Believe me it felt good to get him frustrated at his own game... however, like i said earlier, I am an innocent naija boy, been that way since...since Idi-amin ruled naija. lmao!!! yup, nice to meet you too.